i jhust puked up my retainher.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
