2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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