my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
