When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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