if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
