I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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