I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
