i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
