How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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