He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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