Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize