I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
