he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
