i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
