Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the condom got lost in my hair
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
