By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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