HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
