Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
