i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
