Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
