masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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