At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
