Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
