Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
