Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
