Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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