We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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