this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
