id be glad to
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
