I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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