I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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