Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
