just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize