as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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