yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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