is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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