The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
