I'd wear matching sweaters with you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
