i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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