ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
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I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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