He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's Friday. Sex?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
