Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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