I got chris browned last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
