I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
