I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
