I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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