I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
