i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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