I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
