His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
