He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
