I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
