All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
