Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
