so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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