I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
