It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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