I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
