shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
