you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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