So drunk its hurt
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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